Ramblings from 40,000 feet in air

Recently, on my flight from London to Singapore I watched the movie, The Rental Family, where one of the lines was -

This was my life before my life.

It hit home in so many ways as I made my way to the two places where I grew up, Singapore and Thailand.

Returning somewhere I once called home always brings out so many emotions. Especially after spending years away. There are so many places where I catch glimpses of my past and the person I used to be. Or familiar smells, sounds and tastes that immediately bring back childhood memories.

One of the benefits of moving countries as often as I did is that I got to lock in phases of my life in little time capsules. And every time I go back, I get to explore and relive certain moments.

It can be bittersweet.

It reminds me of how relationships have changed. How the decisions that I took - good or bad - sent me down completely different paths. But the best feeling is meeting an old teacher who looks at me in exactly the same way they used to. Like the potential they saw in me never had an expiry date.

Coming back with my own kids to a place where I was a kid myself is also wild. And to be able to take them back to see our university campus where I met my husband is so surreal.

Where did all this time go? It almost feels unbelievable that we too were 18 once.

The trip was heart-warming but I couldn’t ignore the constant lump in my throat. I felt overwhelmed by the passage of time and kept wondering if I’m living my current life to the fullest. Twenty years later, I’d be looking back to the life I’m lucky enough to live now, in the same way.

I’ve noticed a tendency that as we get older we reminisce more.

If we stagnate, we blame it on our age and circumstances.

We start to settle for things because we get scared to take risks, unlike when we were younger.

We stop trying new things and keep going for ones that make us comfortable.

But on this trip I didn’t look back on the days that felt comfortable; those just all blurred into one. I remembered the uncomfortable and exhilarating ones.

So remember to continue to get uncomfortable and not let our 30s and 40s blur into one.

Because we only get to be our youngest self today.